Farmville is her only friend.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize