Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
