my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
