Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
