You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just tell him i said nine months
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
