how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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