wrigley field is MILF paradise
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
