There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Who died my cat blue again?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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