His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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