Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
