I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
