she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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