So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
