Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
