If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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