saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize