just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
