Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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