I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
