we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
