My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
