I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
