I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
