Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
