i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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