the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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