Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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