Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
