I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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