direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
