I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
