I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
