and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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