Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
