I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
