omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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