After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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