Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
