just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
