The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
