You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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