Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
