take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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