maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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