So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
