I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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