We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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