Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
