There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
