His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
