I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
