So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
