I wannas sexs uuuuu
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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