I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
