dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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