hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
