i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
