This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
