They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
