After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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