dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
