So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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