she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
