She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
