Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
