There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
