I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
