Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
